The Wolf Writer #2: Getting Over an Ex

According to NYC relationship therapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW, a lot of what could potentially be hampering your ability to move past your breakup may be a romantic idealization of your ex. (i.e. do birds sing and rainbows appear when you think about them?) Hershenson recommends giving yourself a reality check by coming up with a list of your ex’s bad qualities.

“Write out the traits you don’t like about your ex (instead of focusing on how much you love them), and carry it with you. Look at it every time you feel upset or have an urge to call him or her,”

There are many different reasons we stay in love with someone who does not love us back, but most of the time it's because that person was fulfilling a need for you or your identity that you have neglected to give to yourself.

Maybe he gave you companionship, maybe he gave you a sense of belonging or identity... I don't know..

What I'm trying to say is, figure out what is missing from your life now that your ex is no longer in the picture and find a way to fill those gaps with family, friends, exercise, work... Something!!

Try to focus on the things you couldn’t do when you were together... Like sleeping in the middle of the bed or ordering a bunch of food just for yourself without asking anyone what they'd want or like... Idk what y'all did together tho

There could've been a hobby that you began neglecting once you became enthralled in a relationship, and now would be a good time to get back to it.

It's pretty hard convincing yourself that you’re now better off overall but focusing on the little things should be helpful...