Anticipatory Grief: How The Coronavirus Is Affecting Us Mentally & Emotionally

We're feeling a number of different griefs.
The Coronavirus pandemic is affecting us in ways we couldn't have imagined.

The world has changed and although this change is only temporary, it doesn't really feel that way. The loss of normalcy, fear of economic meltdowns, loss of certain physical connections. They're all hitting us and we're grieving collectively as a species.


David Kessler is the world’s foremost expert on grief. He co-wrote with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief through the Five Stages of Loss. His new book adds another stage to the process, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. He is also the founder of www.grief.com

He says in an interview with HBR that what we're feeling is Anticipatory Grief. According to David Kessler, it is the feeling we get about what the future holds when we're uncertain. It is the kind going to the future and imagining the worst. Usually, it centers on death. It is also more broadly imagined futures. The Coronavirus has made us lose our sense of safety. We know something bad is happening but we can't see it.

Managing This Grief
To manage this grief, understanding the stages of grief is a good start. There were originally five stages of grief as mentioned earlier but with Kessler's addition, we have six. One thing to note is it doesn't happen in any particular order and it isn't linear. We have,

Denial - The virus won't affect us.
Anger - Why am I being forced to stay at home?
Bargaining - If I social distance for a while everything will be better right?
Sadness/Depression - I don't know when this will end.
Acceptance - This is happening. I have to figure out how to proceed.

The last stage added by Kessler is Finding Meaning. Now people are realizing they can use their phone for long conversations with the people they love and care for. They're appreciating walks or just being in the sunlight. They're connecting more through technology. We'll continue to find meaning now and when this is over.

Dealing with anticipatory grief is not a difficult task. It is simple. Keller also gives an instance on how to calm yourself.
To calm yourself, you want to come into the present.
Breathe.
Realize that in the present moment nothing you've anticipated has happened. You're okay, you're not sick.

Let go of what you can't control. What your neighbor is doing is out of your control. What is in your control is staying six feet away from them, washing your hands and disinfecting your surroundings regularly. Focus on that.

It is absurd to think that we shouldn't feel grief right now. Don't try to fight it. Let yourself feel the grief and keep going.

If you want to learn more, visit https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief